the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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