sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
