He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
