You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
