You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
