It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
