never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize