I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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