Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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