I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
