Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
