I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize