You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
