Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
