so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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