chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
