do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
