good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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