ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
