glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
