my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
