Swine flu is the new snow day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sext me about skeletons
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
