She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
