nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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