Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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