found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
