Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
