His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
