Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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