walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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