just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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