he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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