i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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