If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
