My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
