You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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