**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Jerry, you need to find god
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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