seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
