my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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