billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
