Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
