my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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