My friends, they love my intelligence
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
