I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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