How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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