someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I will die if light touches me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
