her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize