I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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