Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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