Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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