i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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