I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
