Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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