so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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