I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
