I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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