I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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