is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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