dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
