I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
