Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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