I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
