Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize