I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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