New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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