ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
