Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
