U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
