11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize