If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
