my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
