Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
