We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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