Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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