There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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