Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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