i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
