Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
