If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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