hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
