you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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