Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
