did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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