At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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