I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize