Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
