One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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