She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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